Thoughts from Class

I have been sitting here doing my homework when I came across a note I had written down. Before I tell what I had written, let me tell you what the class is. I am currently in my last math class for my Master's and the class is "Algebra and Geometry". My teacher was talking about using manipulatives and blah, blah, blah. In the end she said, "We need physical experiences." Of course I had to write it down because it made me think of something completely unmathematical. I realized it has been a very long time since I have had any real "physical experiences". I am in desperate need of a good, heartfelt hug, from someone who is not family. The last time I was decently hugged was probably two years ago. How pathetic is that? In Oregon all of us hugged each other. I am not a touchy-feely, kind of person, but I loved it. Since moving here I have come to the realization people are afraid to touch each other. I think it is because there are so many underlying implications in a simple touch. Isn't that sad! Why shouldn't you hug or touch someone? Human contact is essential to our growth and well being. I am afraid if I don't have a decent non-family hug soon, I may keel over!

We are our Choices

So, as I was thinking about what to write on my blog, a wonderful idea popped into my head. Then, life happens and now something completely different is on my mind. There is this person back in Oregon who I was really close to. We did almost everything together and I loved him. When I say I love, I don't mean I wanted to marry him, but I loved him in a very real and true sense of the word. Anyways, our relationship was not a healthy one. I used to think we played this game called, "you hurt me so I am now going to hurt you." I didn't like the things I was doing, saying, or the person I was becoming. (Side note: for all those who are concerned here, I was not using swear words, doing drugs, drinking, smoking, and I was only on the yellow light as far as chastity goes.) I made the very painful decision to cut this person out of my life. I have to admit cutting this person out has been probably the hardest thing I have ever done. It is not easy to say goodbye to someone you love when they are still around. I have moved on. I have not talked to this person for probably a year and a half, but every once in a while he tries to contact me. I guess this is why I am currently thinking about this. He sent me an IM saying he wants to talk to me. It hurts me to just ignore him, but at the same time I can't handle the pain of having him in my life. Is it wrong to just cut someone out? How can I feel good about this when I know my decision hurts another person?

My one comfort is knowing even though this may seem cruel, I know I am a stronger and healthier person for it. I know now who I am and what influences I want in my life. I am not saying this person is a bad person, but I don't want to become him and I am afraid I was. Where would I be if the atonement was not real and Heavenly Father hadn't helped me see clearly? I am so grateful there is always a way back and my path is no longer skimming the periphery of the iron rod.

Blue October

I know this is going to be shocking, but I think I have a new obsession. I have expanded my horizons beyond chap stick and Twilight. I really love the band Blue October. Yes, some of their songs use words I don't appreciate, but I still love the music. I don't know what it is. I think it is because I feel I can relate to the emotions and issues being sung about. I guess you could say I like things which make me feel. I also love they was Blue October includes "instrumental" with the "rock" sound. I am currently listening to them right now and feeling quite free. It is amazing what music can do. I love feeling inspired but also knowing I am not the only person who has ever experienced a certain emotion. I highly recommend "Calling You, Hate Me (be prepared for a swear word), Into the Ocean, 18th Floor Balcony, Chameleon Boy, and 3 Weeks, She Sleeps. Honestly, I love the two albums I have heard of theirs. I did have to get rid of a two of their songs because they were inappropriate, but check them out.

Crisis

I believe I am experiencing a mid-twenties crisis. I can't really be sure since I haven't had a mid-life crisis yet, but I am pretty sure. Right now I am seriously pondering why I went into teaching and if it is the right career for me. I would really like to get a sportier and flashier car to drive around, just so everyone would know how young and care free I am. I guess the only problem is I don't feel young and carefree. I feel old and haggard. Yea, I am pretty sure this is a mid-twenties crisis. How do I over come this? Once I do, will I face these same questions, doubts, and feelings when I am middle aged? Here's hoping it doesn't take me to middle age to figure it out.

Joy

I wanted to let everyone know there are some wonderful things happening in my life right now. First, I have found my Dr. Pepper chap stick. Plus I got two brand new sticks for Christmas. My lips are so very happy and the addiction seems stronger than ever. Second, I am moving to a brand new apartment. I mean brand new. My roommate and I will be the first two people to ever live in the apartment. I am so excited. Hopefully I can get a sub to cover my class and the day I am supposed to move. Third, next week is a four day weekend. I am so excited. I can't wait to sleep in and pack boxes while watching episodes of Friends. Life is good.