Fatal Attractions

Why do people want to own dangerous creatures? Maybe I am just a whimp or always fear the worst, but it just seems like an accident waiting to happen. It just seems that no matter how "cute" a wild animal is, they will eventually act on their natural instinct.

I used to want a pet monkey, but after watching this show on Animal Planet, "Fatal Attractions," I think I would be crazy to do that. Sure they're cute especially in little people clothes, but I don't think I want to own something that would rip my face off. Crazy, I just don't get the appeal!

Mosiah 27

I just read Mosiah 27, and was reminded how much I love the story of Alma Jr. and the sons of Mosiah. Their story is so inspiring to me because they were the vilest of sinners and through the Atonement, they turned their lives around. It reminds me that I can make mistakes but be forgiven and in turn do good things. I also love that they are known for their good deeds and not their bad ones. Yes we know they made mistakes, but because they repented our focus in on all the good they did in the world. I think the Atonement is so amazing and this story is the perfect example of how to come unto Christ and use the gift which He has freely given.

Merry Christmas

I can't believe another year has come and gone. Last year at this time I was preparing to move to Utah and begin a new adventure. At the time I had no idea what awaited me, it anything. I have been so richly blessed this year. Through the goodness of Heavenly Father, I found the perfect job a few weeks after moving here. I found a great apartment in a ward that I actually like. I got a new car (Herbert), moved back in with Amanda, and have my first "big" calling. Who would have thought?

While I am grateful for all of these things, I am more grateful for my family. They are the people who help me through every day. They remember what is going on in my life and ask how it is going. They are my cheerleaders and I love them very much! I am so happy they are here celebrating the birth of our Savior with me.

Miracle

For the first time in my life, some seeds I planted have actually sprouted. I can't believe it. I'm not sure what the difference was this time, but I can't believe how awesome it is. They haven't just sprouted, they are growing. There are little green stems and leaves coming out of my planter that seem to get taller every day. Will the miracles and wonders ever cease? I hope not!

News

I learned today how my student died, he committed suicide. It makes me wonder what was happening. He was almost 14 and yet he felt there was nothing left to live for. I don't understand what could be so wrong that he had no more hope. I admit, I understand what it feels like to be depressed, but I don't know what it is like to have no hope, no matter how small. As I have thought about what has pulled me back in those moments of deep despair and it is the gospel. I think there is always hope, if we believe in the atonement. I am not saying this belief makes the depression easier, because it doesn't always, but it gives light.

I wish things could have been better for Ray. I wish he had someone he could have turned to who would have helped him see the light at the end of the despair. I wonder if there are signs that we miss because we are so caught up in our own pain. I honestly don't think there was anything I could have done for him, but I still wonder, was there something someone could have done. I am glad he is with Heavenly Father and that his pain can be erased. It just makes me think about how much we really need to take care of each other.

Goal

I have a new goal. My goal is to be able to run a 5K in September. I'm a little nervous, mostly because I don't like running, but I think this will be a good thing. You're probably wondering why I am making this my goal if I don't like running, but I do have a very good reason. Amanda and I want to be on the Amazing Race someday and so we must start preparing now. (I know you all thought it was to become healthy, but that is just a nice bonus.) We figure in order to have a fighting chance, we have to be able to run for a few miles. Maybe after achieving this goal, we will have to start practicing with heavy packs too.

Wish me luck!

Today

I went to Ray's funeral today. I have to admit, it was tough to go. It wasn't tough because I felt particularly close to this student but because I knew I would see my other students there. I look at this group of kids as though they are mine and I didn't want to see them in pain. I wish that I could shelter them from this. I wanted so badly to just hold them all and give them some comfort. I did hug several of them, but it didn't erase their tears.

I wish they could all feel the love of our Savior right now. I think that is the only thing that can ease this pain. I think that was the one thing missing from the funeral. I didn't feel the hope that comes from understanding the reality of the atonement. It is a blessing to know that there is life after this and we can all be together again. For my kids and Ray's family, I wish them that knowledge and comfort.

It was a tough day. I am grateful to know there is a purpose behind all of Heavenly Father's actions. That gives me great comfort!

FHE

Are you ready to be shocked and awed? Okay, so it's not really that amazing, but for me it is. I actually went to FHE by myself this evening. Not only did I go, but I talked to people and participated. Did I mention, I had fun? For a normal person this would be a whatever moment, but for me it was wonderful. So far, my ward is still looking pretty good.

Just Heard

I was contacted by a former student today via myspace to learn another one of my former students died on Saturday. You know, I thought I would be much older when something like this happened. He was only in 8th grade. It seems so young to be taken from this life. I am not sure what happened only that he died in his sleep. I am not going to question Heavenly Father's reasons, but it is just so sad. I hope his family is coping and his friends are okay. I taught this group of kids for 2 years and I see their faces now and wonder how they will handle this. I hope they can rely on each other.

New Ward

I just went to my new ward. I can't believe it, but I am excited that this is my ward. I was greeted at the door by a girl named Amber. She welcomed me and assured me this was the right ward and seemed genuinely excited I was there, I believe she even clapped a little. I introduced myself to the Relief Society and immediately someone (Heather) behind me tapped my shoulder, said hi and told me she also lives in my complex. I met two other sisters, Megan and Mallory, after Relief Society. In Sacrament meeting Amber came and sat with me and Amanda. I felt very welcomed.

The ward is pretty small, which I think will be nice. Hopefully I will be able to meet more people that way and find a place to fit in. I also think it is a little older of a ward. I am still on the old side, but it seemed to be made up of people in their mid to late 2o's. The girls looked like average wonderful people, not super models. I didn't see many guys, but I did see at least 2 who were pretty cute.

I feel like I have found a place where I can meet people and enjoy the activities. I am being realistic though, I know I will have to put forth effort but I actually want to. I have hope for this ward and that is something I haven't felt out of a singles ward for a few years. Happy, happy, joy, joy!

One Thing

I want to be in love! I don't just want to be in love, I want to be loved back. I want to know that I am capable of feeling that for someone. I just want to be in love!

Vacation is Over

A miracle has occurred, my keys have finally returned from their vacation. I got to work this morning, took off my coat and felt a bulge in my pocket. It was them. I'm not sure where they went but I am glad they have returned. I know I checked all of my pockets in every coat I own, so they must have made it back sometime last night. I refuse to ask them any questions, I am just glad they are home!

?

I have to start by saying my life is full of miracles! I moved here to Utah and found an amazing teaching job pretty fast, I somehow survived money wise until my first paycheck, and I just found an apartment. I see all of these wonderful things around me and I feel my Heavenly Father's love yet why do I still feel sad? Why is that seeing the goodness in my life isn't enough to make rainbows? I feel like it should be enough and I pretend it is just so people won't see me.

Lost

My keys seem to have gone on vacation. They must have gotten bored with life (and who can blame them?) and jumped ship. They have been gone for a few days now. I hope they are having fun because I'm not. I mean I have a spare key, but I was bonded with the other set. I was just thinking, I bet they went to visit Mom's keys who are also taking a little break. I am pleading for their return. Keys, I need you! I am lost without you, please come back to me.