I have some very exciting news. I got my tax refund a few days ago. (Side note: It is pretty cool to check your bank account and see more than a hundred dollars 
.) Anyways, I got enough back that I have been able to do a few wonderful things. Number one, I went to Old Navy today and bought 3 pairs of badly needed pants. Second, I have been able to complete my collection of the show Smallville. (Side note: I love Lex Luthor. 
I know he is bad, but there is a little rebel in all of us. If he had just met me, I know I could have convinced him to turn to the light. All he needed was someone to truly love him.) Third, for some reason I the purchase I made for my CTR ring has not gone through, so I just purchased a new ring. Fourth, I can put money back into savings to pay my tuition this semester. Fifth and possibly the most exciting, I just paid off my computer. It feels so good knowing I have done that. I have always made my payments, but it is good to know it can't be repossessed. On a completely different note, I am able to walk this year. My professors have been telling us for a while we wouldn't be able to walk until 2009 but it turns out they were wrong. I just sent my graduation application and check to SUU today. Hopefully it will get there in time. If all goes according to plan, I will be walking on May 3. If things don't work out, I'll be back next year for all of my graduation ceremonies. I will keep everyone posted. Wow, can you believe I will soon have a Master's degree? I am going to be Master McCarrey. How cool is that? 
Right now I am sitting here listening to the coolest band ever. The band is called Everson. They just put out a CD titled "Lost Melodies." These guys are really talented. The lyrics to each song are beautifully written and blend so well with all of the elements in the band. I highly recommend this band. You should check them out on myspace. (http://www.myspace.com/theplanis)
I have some good news and some sad news to report. I will start off with the sad so you can finish reading this feeling happy. I lost my CTR ring about two weeks ago. I know it is just a ring but this ring saw me through some pretty tough times. I got her my senior year of college and she stuck with me through student teaching, my life in Oregon, and my first two years of Utah. She has become a part of me. My finger has even molded to fit her perfectly. 
It has been two weeks now and I am ready to come out out mourning. I just ordered a new CTR ring on line. It is Hawaiian style and here is a shocker, it's pink! I am so excited to get my new ring. My finger is so bare and lonely right now. You know, I even find myself rubbing my finger where my ring used to be. (Phantom feelings again, I must move on to a more cheerful subject.)I have gotten myself a new lucky ring. As you all know my last lucky ring brought nothing but bad luck. I need to call the good luck back into my life so I got a new and improved ring. This ring has six diamonds on it and every time I look at it, I just feel lucky. My students even asked me about it one day. I informed them this is not a wedding ring (not that I wear it on the left ring finger) but it is my lucky ring. They now want lucky rings too. Knowing the faith of children and that they believe this ring is lucky reassures me I have at last found my lucky ring. 
I feel as though I am constantly confessing things on my blog. Usually my confessions involve being addicted to something. Todays confession is slightly more serious, I am completely unmotivated. I am not sure how it happened but it did. It feels like I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning completely and hopelessly unmotivated. Usually you can see something like this coming but I was completely blindsighted. Honestly, being unmotivated really doesn't bother me unless I need to accomplish something. Right now I have a wide variety of things I should be doing with my time. I have a Masters project to complete, grading to do, and applications to complete. Yet I find myself coming home from work so completely exhausted I can't think clearly. Instead of getting things done, I do nothing whatsoever productive. How do I get over the the desire to do nothing and actually do something? 
Today started out pretty crazy for me. We got a huge storm last night and as a result I couldn't get my car out of my parking spot. It was definately a morning you wouldn't experience in LA or Laie. After I finally got to work (almost 4 hours after attempting to leave for work) I kept thinking, you need to write about this on your blog. I sat down at my computer and had this overwhelming feeling I needed to write about something else. So, here goes.Several of my family members have blogs and as I was reading through a few of their entries, I was literally filled with love and awe for them. I don't always get along with my older brother. I can't really say why other than we rarely share the same opinion. I know it is a lame excuse but I offer it none the less. Anyways, I reading what my aunt had written about him and the spirit touched me so strongly. I know my older brother is an amazing man. He has the ability to serve others unselfishly and truly sees the good in others and the world around him. I wish I could say this about myself. Ny's wife has also shown me the adventures in the world. I remember her saying once, "Call it to you." I think of this often as I ponder the meaning and mysteries of my life. Ny and his wife have taught me to grab life and have fun with it.The next blog I was reading was from my second brother. I feel there is a special spot in my heart for Tay. While reading his blog, I was reminded of this so profoundly I couldn't think of anything else but letting the world know. The beauty of Tay is he feels things more deeply than many others I know. I believe he can sense the needs of others and he knows how to comfort them in the right way. I know he did an awesome job as Elders Quorum Pres. How could he not? Even his blog was full of hope and openness. My littlest brother is serving a mission for our church right now. Every week I get to read his letters and I know he is even more awesome than I could have ever suspected. He is so loving and positive. The people of Argentina could not have asked for a more Christ-like servant.I also have a little sister. I just love her. She is 12 years younger than me and has always loved me more than I deserve. I still have notes she wrote to me when she was just learning to read and write. There is a phrase she must have heard somewhere, "I love you with all my heart." She remebered it wrong and would finish all of her letters, "I love you in all my heart." I believe she embodies this. She has given her entire heart to love for her family. I know she was chosen to be in our family so she could be my special friend. In all my heart, I love her.What family would be complete without two parents? My brothers and sisters are stellar because of our parents. Life has handed them a bunch of lemons and they continue to make lemonade every day. There are days when I just need to hear my momita's voice and I know the world will be right again. When I want to forget my troubles I can't wait to talk to my dad. I believe I got my personality from my dad and my face from my mom. Not matter where I end up, a part of them is always with me. I am grateful every moment my Heavenly Father allowed me to have them.I am who I am because of my family. I love them each so much! I don't know why today of all days it has hit me so profoundly, but it has. The world would be a much better place if everyone had a support system like I do. We all need family to comfort and strengthen us. We need them to put us in our place and teach us to be better. I will continue to need and love my family until eternity ends.
Someone said something to me today which has me bothered and I am not sure why. This person offered to help me with whatever I need but said, "I know you are really independant. . ." I admit I am an independant soul. I don't have a problem being independant because it is who I am. I guess I am bothered because whenever I have heard anyone reference independance, it is usually done in a negative way. For example, "You're too independant which is why guys don't ask you out." Sure, I could act helpless, but then I wouldn't be true to myself.Is there anything really wrong with knowing you can do things? I often do things for myself because when I ask others, they typically roll their eyes, sigh a deep sigh of "oh boy!", or ignore me. If a person generally gets reactions such as these, doesn't this naturally create an independant person? I mean, if people really do want you to ask for help and admit you need them, shouldn't they be willing on the other end? Maybe I am just too synical to look at this objectively. Oh well! 
I wanted to share something I learned while moving last week, don't ever live on the third floor. Yes, living one the third floor is probably safer and warmer in the winter, but it sucks to move out. I must have walked up and down those flights of stairs a hundred times. I really didn't think I was ever going to recover from the pain. I was literally in pain for four days. My body felt like it had done the StairMaster for several hours. It is so nice knowing I now live on the first floor. Coming home after a long day of "babysitting" and knowing I don't have to climb the stairs puts a skip in my hop!
