Sorry

Something strange is going on. My last post had paragraphs in it, but for some reason it won't publish with them. Sorry, you have to read what looks like a really long entry.

911

This week has been crazy, actually only yesterday was crazy but the drama seeped into today. Nila came in to work yesterday (late) and told me she fell out of bed. Right away I knew I needed to be concerned. I went and told Pauline that I was worried about her and she came down and we convinced her to go home. During the course of this Nila began to fall asleep, mumble incoherent things, she was shaky, and all sorts of not good. Pauline ended up calling the paramedics who came and took her away on a stretcher. I think we were all, the paramedics included, worried she was having a stroke. Not cool! Nila called me today and she was in complete denial about what happened yesterday. She sounded very angry. I told her I would never do anything unless I felt it was for her own good and she said she knows that and doesn't blame me. However she does think yesterday was a conspiracy set up by Pauline to get her fired. (She said it was all a set up because the ambulance go there so quickly.) She also said Pauline is trying to write her up as some sort of drug addict. It was a pretty crazy conversation. She still insisted all of this even after I told her she was incoherent and we were all very worried about her. I had really hoped yesterday would be a wake up call for her and that she would admit it is time to retire. I wish there was some way I could help her see this. I have expressed my concern to her and also let her know she is far more important than this job, but she still insists on coming to work which puts herself and the students at risk. Part of me wishes I didn't care but I love the crazy lady. She is on my mind constantly and there is nothing I can do or say that will help this situation. I am honestly afraid that I will come into our room one day and she will be collapsed on the floor. She doesn't see that, instead she sees the world ganging up on her. I guess I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I just pray her heart can be softened and that she recognizes what is really happening to her.

The Fish

I am sure you have all noticed the fish on the side of my blog. They are my new pets, I had to get rid of Spike. Anyways, they will follow your pointer around and if you click on the water it will leave bits of food. Please feed them every time you visit. I know they'll appreciate it.

Swatch

I got a huge box in the mail today. I mean anyone who saw this thing would assume it was filled with many different goodies. Indeed it was, it was filled with tons of packing peanuts and the watch I ordered two Fridays ago. That's right, a watch, just a tiny little thing packed in a box probably a hundred times bigger than necessary. But it's all good, it was an unusual choice in box for an unusual watch. My new watch is pretty awesome, one of the straps is super long, comically long (I mean that literally because when it is off my wrist and I look at it, I laugh). Yes, it is that way on purpose. The long strap wraps around my wrist twice so it looks like I am wearing a watch and a bracelet which is pretty awesome!

I know once you all see it you will want one for yourself, so to give you a chance I will tell you where you can get one of your very own. Go to store.swatch.com and it will be on the very first screen, it's the Lady Collection. Sorry boys, probably not the right choice for you, but ladies I recommend it.

Follow up

Before I get some emails, phone calls, or text messages, my break down is over and I am feeling much better. I think blogging helps.

Break Down

I decided that today I would have a break down. You would think that break downs would happen spontaneously, but it turns out they can be scheduled. Are you ready, because it is about to happen.

Agenda

Leo (present)

Item 1: Nila. She needs to retire. She is making my life miserable and forcing me to make different plans for my life because she can't see the she should no longer be teaching. I keep telling myself it's not intentional, but when I told her about my plans (to move schools if I have to be split between two schools next year, which will likely happen because she won't retire) she said, "Well, I'll miss you."

Item 2: Cheryl. She is the lady I work with at the other school. We had a meeting today and she mentioned that Stansbury had finished their staffing plan and there were openings. I asked her what openings there were because I might go back into the classroom. She rolled her eyes and started talking to someone else. She has done this to me all year. I keep saying it's not intentional but everyone else just goes on and on about how wonderful she is, so it must be me. Am I really that hard to work with?

Item 3: I want to have just one day where I won't feel bad for even having these thoughts. I am tired of feeling bad because I get upset with these people. I feel like there is something wrong, I should be more Christlike or patient. I need to stop being so sensitive. It is just so frustrating, especially since I am going to feel guilty even writing the first two items.

Item 4: I know I have made it a goal not to complain (which I haven't been so successful at) but RA sucks. I am so tired which is probably adding to the increased sensitivity to these situations. I don't want to hurt and I don't want my body to change. I don't want the future to come with me being an invalid. It is just all around hard, especially knowing that my RA could lead to other things like heart failure, fibromyalgia, and who knows what else.

Conclusion. The break down will continue for the next few minutes off computer and then life will return to normal.

Matilda

I had a pretty awesome dream last night. Amanda and I both had baby girls. (Which I think should happen in real life, because I want our kids to be born a the same time so they can grow up together and be best friends!) My little one was so cute! She had red (orange? for the sake of this, I shall say copper) curly hair. She was a toddler who let me carry her around and she kept hugging me. It was pretty cool, but for some odd reason her name was Matilda. Yeah, don't know where that came from. All of this is pretty darn amazing, but the best part is I was married to a guy named Noah, who was a super spy. That's right, my own James Bond. He narrowly escaped a fire ball to join Matilda and I at a Ward function. What more can a girl ask for?

A District Visit

I have to admit, today started off slightly stressful. Because of various of circumstances I was already running late and who should appear but the head the reading department. The first words out of her mouth were, "I am here to shadow you." No pressure right. Fortunately she only observed one group and she didn't even stay for the whole group. When she was leaving all she said to me was "It looks like they're getting it. They're doing great." I haven't heard anything else, so I assume I still have a job.

To be honest, I really think she was there to observe Nila. The reason I think this is because Carla followed Nila to two groups and Nila has also had some complaints since she has been back. I really wish Nila would admit it is time to retire. Unfortunately I think if she can't admit that, she is going to continue to be followed around and probably have to deal with more and more complaints.

Fraiser

My morning ritual has begun to include watching an episode of Fraiser. I don't know what it is but there is just something about that show. This morning's episode was awesome! I actually laughed out loud. My favorite part of the episode is when Fraiser dresses up like a clown, grabs a butcher knife and scares his dad. Oh man, I almost died. (I am sure that reading this doesn't capture the beauty of that scene, but just thinking about it brings a smile to my face. If I knew how to link a youtube video, I would find it and post it.) That moment totally made my day. I am convinced if you laugh first thing in the morning, the day will be bright.