I have been thinking about something for a while now but I haven't written about it yet because I don't want to upset others or come off as hypocritical or bitter. Unfortunately these thoughts keep coming back and I find the only way to clear my mind is to actually write down what I am thinking. In advance, I am sorry if I upset anyone who might read this, but at the same time I am not going to apologize for having the thoughts.
When I first moved to Oregon, I went with my ward to the Temple. After the session the Bishop's wife came up to me and told me I wasn't allowed to wear my earrings in the Temple and to not wear them there ever again. About two months ago my coworkers found out I had two tattoos and of course I got the typical responses which included the rolling of the eyes and everything else. So, a week ago I was wearing a headband at work which has skulls on it. One of my coworkers said to me, "You look cute, but you better not wear that headband to the Temple."
Why bring all of this up? I guess because it really bothers me that my spirituality and worthiness to enter the Temple is determined by my outward appearance. I feel as though I am constantly being judged because I don't fit the cookie cutter mold of Mormon society. I have tattoos, I like skulls, I have two ear piercings in one ear, I'm 26 and single, and I am curvy. Why should any of this matter? I so often feel as though people only see my physical appearance and forget underneath it all I am a good person and yes I am worthy of my Temple recommend.
I try really hard to be a good Latter-day Saint. I do what I believe to be right. I just don't understand why my personality and my looks are so important that people have to "remind" me how best to behave. In reality, I never even planned on wearing the headband to the Temple and my tattoos are always covered (unless I am swimming). If at any point I felt like something was inappropriate I would stop. Why can't people trust me enough to make the decision?
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