School

I was lying in bed hoping for sleep to come but I knew it wouldn't.  I am too stressed/frustrated/annoyed for sleep to come.  My goal is to get it all out, no matter how disjointed it may be and then finally find the peace of my dreams.

Let me start by saying I was dreading the school year all summer, basically because I am moving from a year round calendar to a traditional one.  There is something to be said for having breaks in the middle of the year.  My body, mind, and spirit has always appreciated and welcomed those periods of rest.  I knew it was going to be a challenge but I have made this transition once before and survived and I know I will again, at least I hope I will.

About a week before school started I started getting really sick and I just haven't felt the same since then.  (on the plus side I have lost some weight)  Then there was a ton of drama at work having to do with scheduling.  The truth is it was only one teacher out of thirteen who was causing the drama.  I thought everything was settled, I have been doing groups for two weeks and things seemed fine.  Which brings me to today.  My coach stopped by to say hi and see how things are going and then informed me the other Reading Specialist was going to talk to me about second grade small group because it is just not working.  I was so annoyed.  Once again this teacher is making a big fuss and now people are going behind my back to do what?  I can't change the schedule without affecting several other teachers.  Fortunately my coach assured me I would not be changing my schedule.  So what is there to discuss.

Perhaps that doesn't make sense to anyone but it doesn't need to, I just feel so frustrated.  I was under the impression that I worked with adults not high school students.  I also thought I was an approachable person.  I guess not.  I am realizing what it really comes down to is a lack of professional (maybe even personal) trust my colleagues have in me.  I am so tried of being second guessed and talked down to.  There is a particular person at work who always has to verify what I say and then is shocked when oh guess what, I was right. 

I think the real reason I dreaded this coming of this school year is because of the people I have to work with.  I dread having to see people because they are rude and unprofessional.  I don't know what to do.  Actually I do, I just don't want to.  I hate confrontation but I see it can't be avoided.  I don't want to get emotional or say anything offensive but I also know I need to protect myself.  If I don't take control now, I will never survive this year.  We are only three weeks in and I want so desperately for it to be over. 

I hope and pray I will be able to move schools next year.  The thought of having to work with these people for more than this year is more than I can bear!